What armor are you putting on each and every day? What walls have you built up? What are your beliefs that you have? Some you can name and some are hidden from you repressed along with the wounds of the past because that is when they were created.
Internally, looking just at you not blaming the source; just review. What are you defensive about? What are your daily battles? What triggers you? What thoughts, images, and feelings do you feel daily? Where are your struggles? Where is your life on repeat like Groundhog Day until you learn what it is teaching you? What is not right in your soul?
Why do I ask, because your soul consists of the mind, the will, and the emotions. Your soul is recording all that you ingest placing you in spiritual debt or credit, and your health (mentally, emotionally, socially, relationally, physically, financially, and intellectually) creating debt or credit based on actions that add or take away from your life. Living in sin leads to death or living in righteousness leads to life.
I ask you to look at the walls you built up around your heart, the darkness, the mental blocks, mind clutter, anxieties, depression, addictions, habits, lack, and limitations within your belief systems. What are the root emotions you face within the fear, worry, doubt, shame, guilt, anger, resentment, bitterness, jealousy, suspicion, envy, comparison, low self-esteem, poverty mindset, rejection, abandonment, betrayal, hurt, trauma, procrastination, or grief? I could name more, but the question is what were the experiences that created those emotions within that led to creating the walls, blocks, barriers, beliefs, and habits?
What are the things you are trying to control, what areas are you in survival mode? What areas are creating stress? What areas of vanity, stubbornness, and pride are you holding on to avoid auditing yourself? What emotions are you avoiding and not wanting to face, what are you wanting to be freed from? In what areas are you trying to give when you are already in debt and overdrawn? Where are you condemning and judging yourself and others? What have you given your power away to? Are you working to create for the sake of status, vanity, material wealth, and traditions of what a wounded society states is success? What are you trying to create that is not in alignment with love?
Dead in your sins your armor is the wall you place around your heart, a hardened heart, a void/emptiness that seems like a knot in your chest, and an emptiness that hasn’t been filled.
A wall of avoidance, blaming, addictions, running, closed off, and guarded. Doing anything that takes you away from facing those feelings, emotions, and responsibility. The fear of facing yourself gives your power away to fear, to the darkness. Darkness wins until you see the truth that life is the way it is because you have yet to conquer your biggest and hardest battle, yourself.
A wounded society is what made you believe to strive for things that are not fulfilling they are things that can be taken away. Think about it what have your 5 senses ingested, think about things heard or witnessed when you had no choice as a child, navigating life and the experiences that have added or subtracted from you. Your soul has retained it and whenever you come face to face with a situation that brings up those emotions a feeling so strong that the wall is activated; its defense is firing on all cylinders, and you are in fight/flight/freeze mode, avoidance and darker emotions surface. You react and later when you calm down and out of survivor mode damage has been done.
The debt, being dead in your sins getting further separated from God, things you truly desire, and what it means and feels like to live in the light vs the darkness. How is your armor keeping you dead in your sins? Your wall is keeping true love from entering in, living life fully, your wall is keeping you in the dark not able to shine your light or to receive light from another.
I ask everyone to read Romans 1: 18-32 when you can, but here are a few scriptures pertaining to today’s Podcast.
Romans 1: 24-25 KJV
Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves: who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed forever.
Romans 1: 28-32 KJV
And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient; being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.
This is where putting yourself first comes in, and you audit your life. Not to be selfish but begin a process of self-love by finding time for yourself that is uninterrupted. If you know what it is you need to change, let go of (people, environment, habits, behaviors, addictions) and ask yourself why are you holding onto it. What is the character, and what identity have you attached to it? What power over you did you give away? Why is there an unwillingness to change, to build up the courage and strength to evolve into doing and being a better person?
You say what armor will I wear then…… in the light you wear the Armor of God.
Ephesians 6:12 NKJV
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.
The armor (your wall) you have up right now is to battle against flesh and blood. This is why your battle has not yet been won, the patterns and cycle are on repeat. Cycling from different people, places and things like on Groundhog Day no matter how hard you try or your best of intentions the story finds its way to repeat. All of the emotions that keep you in a dark place feeling defeated and depleted. However, you don’t give up, have you ever thought about why that is? That is because the holy spirit that is uncorrupted is within you, that little voice whispering at you to not say what you’re about to say, or do what you’re about to do. You have a light inside of you fighting with you against the principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. The battle of your mind…your soul. The more you listen, do & say the right things your light increases. Your light cannot yet shine fully because there is a lack of knowledge of who you are as a spiritual being made in God’s image and we are here on earth to do more than go to work, and have a family, and live the life of struggle.
Hosea 4:6
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.
Recall I mentioned your soul is the mind, the will, and the emotions.
I mentioned the duality of light and dark and the choices we make.
In the dark –
· How does your life reflect?
· What beliefs, habits, and behaviors have been created within your soul?
· The mind (negative self-talk, judgment, mind clutter, confusion, depression), poor attitude, pessimism, see all the things that are bad, and what you should guard yourself against
· The will – lack of motivation, lack in the belief of yourself, unwillingness to change for the better or to pursue your dreams or love, laziness, procrastination, easily distracted.
· The emotions – tormented, burdened, heavy, nagging, anxious, needy, blowing whichever way the wind blows, chaotic, defensive/reactionary.
In the light –
· How does your soul feel?
· How does your life reflect?
· What beliefs, habits, and behaviors are created within your soul?
· The mind – Positive self-talk that builds you up, positive attitude, abundant mindset, seeing all of the good in the world
· The will – To develop in the practice of prayer, and reading the bible. To get up each day to become better than you were yesterday, to gain new skills, self-development, seek help if needed, be open to living life more fully, to forgive yourself and others, to get up and do those things that heal your mind, body, and soul. The will to break additions, habits, and behaviors that are not adding to your life.
· The emotions – Begin to self-regulate, develop emotional intelligence & emotional tolerance, how to breathe through moments of intense emotions and anxiety, overcome depression, set boundaries, gain more understanding of how to use emotions as a teacher vs an enemy. What can you learn from this emotion, what is it teaching you, what have you learned with your new understanding and past experiences not to choose the dark but the light to apply calm, patience, peace, kindness, and love
The light, healing, knowledge, and the holy spirit become more prominent in your life the more you choose to take action to break free of the imprisonment of darkness. Right now the light shines through the darkness every so often. Receiving clarity and an unexplainable joy when you are happy for no reason feeling as you did in the first stages of new love. Until the darkness is purged and cleansed darkness will not stop its pursuit to blind you to your light and power over the darkness.
The more you read the bible and pray for your salvation you begin to strengthen the spirit within you, strengthen the light within you by removing yourself from the darkness and that which is hurting you, depleting you.
Ephesians 6:10-18
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
13 Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
15 And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
16 Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;.
Begin to take off your wounded armor; in that same way you know that wall existed; now have the same knowing the armor of God is equipped through prayer and belief.
Think of the old armor with heavy defenses and alarms, barriers, and blocks that never truly kept you from pain because you kept making the same choices. We had the wrong armor on and a wounded person coming up against another wounded person is a battle where both people lose.
There was truly no appropriate knowledge, tools, or proper armor and our defenses were penetrated. Truly there are times that we do want to take the walls down to trust and truly give and receive love. When that happened it may have torn you down even more than before getting tired of the battle, stressed, sacrificing things that take even more from you, and developing signs of a sick soul as I discussed in another podcast. Continuously added to the wall because we were exposed to more and more things that created it, projecting those fears and insecurities exposes us to more and more wounded people without the tools and equipment to combat any of it in a healthy way.
We had no knowledge of ourselves and had no knowledge of the walls we built to protect us was also the thing that hurt us. How the heart keeps the score too. You develop more self-awareness you observe your thoughts more, but you also feel your body and heart more as well. You’ll feel a pain in your heart, then it sends the image to the brain and then creates the feeling in your body. Your heart keeps a record of offenses, grievances, hurts, regret, shame, guilt, bitterness, anger, grief, and pain. This comes out physically as issues with your heart, such as heart disease, high blood pressure, circulation issues, and more. Your heart has stages of darkness and the deeper you go into the dark the more prayer will be needed because there is always a glimmer of light within just waiting for you to ask for help. Broken, Fearful, Angry, Hopeless, Hard, Numb the longer you are in the dark the longer you continue the cycle without healing the more you add to the levels of darkness in your heart falling deeper into the abyss. Taking things personally and being defensive and constantly at war to defend and protect those we love from a person that was wounded as well. With your walls up you can't receive love for yourself and you can't give love to anybody else in the way that love is (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) to understand another person's wounds is because you understand your wounds and that is by taking time to heal by becoming willing to face your wounds, forgive and accept another person as they learn and heal too.
My experience with the armor of God was an additional spiritual practice to be aware of my thoughts, words actions, how I carried myself, treated myself and others, mindful of what is to be healed when triggered, consistent in repenting, gratitude, forgiving, love, compassion, empathy, righteousness with mercy, loving-kindness, and justice focused on what is needed to address within, patience, persistence, resilience, calm, peace, integrity, authentic, grounded in who I am with God and to know his words and to be of service, loving, kind, and generous. Expressions of faith, believing, and trust, for those days that are heavy with an inner and outer battle of anxiety, depression, opposition, and challenges. Being aware of the outer and inner distractions creating confusion. Prayer, faith, and belief you are safe and protected you begin to overcome your battles. This allows you to open to love, and inner work by praying for cleansing, purging and gaining tools, understanding, wisdom, getting more knowledge and you know who you are in God as God sees you as you are made in his image. Any time you move out of alignment your soul reveals it through discomfort, anxiety, mental clutter, darkness, confusion, lost, indecision, and more. God who is within you is saying that is not who I am, that is not who you are. By gaining a relationship with God you learn the meaning of loving yourself as you love your neighbors. You are strengthened and supported as you repent, forgive, pray, and express gratitude. Growing stronger in who you are in your light and understanding what it took to cleanse and take down those walls of wounding that were really hurting you and hurting others repetitively.
I ask everyone to read Romans 2: 1-16 when you can.
Romans 2:1-16 NIV
God’s Righteous Judgment
1 You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.
2 Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth.
3 So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?
4 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?
5 But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.
6 God “will repay each person according to what they have done.”
7 To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.
8 But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger.
9 There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile;
10 but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.
11 For God does not show favoritism.
12 All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.
13 For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.
14 (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law.
15 They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.)
16 This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.
Repentance etymology
repentance (n.)
c. 1300, repentaunce, "state of being penitent, sorrow and contrition for sin or wrongdoing resulting in vigorous abandonment of it in one's life," from Old French repentance "penitence" (12c.), from present-participle stem of repentir (see repent).
repent (v.)
c. 1300, repenten, "be grieved over one's past and seek forgiveness; feel such regret for sins, crimes, or omissions as produces amendment of life," from Old French repentir (11c.), from re-, here perhaps used as an intensive prefix, "very much" (see re-), + Vulgar Latin *penitire "to regret," from Latin poenitire "make sorry," from poena (see penal).
The distinction between regret (q.v.) and repent is made in many modern languages, but is absent in older periods. To repent is to regret so deeply as to change the mind or course of conduct in consequence and develop new mental and spiritual habits. Also from c. 1300 in Middle English and after in an impersonal reflexive sense, especially as (it) repenteth (me, him, etc.).
Forgive etymology
forgive (v.)
Old English forgiefan "give, grant, allow; remit (a debt), pardon (an offense)," also "give up" and "give in marriage" (past tense forgeaf, past participle forgifen); from for-, here probably "completely," + giefan "to give" (from PIE root *ghabh- "to give or receive").
The sense of "to give up desire or power to punish" (late Old English) is from use of such a compound as a Germanic loan-translation of Vulgar Latin *perdonare (Old Saxon fargeban, Dutch vergeven, German vergeben "to forgive," Gothic fragiban "to grant;" and see pardon (n.)). Related: Forgave; forgiven; forgiving.
This is the fork in the road a chance to repent, forgive yourself and others, and change for the better starting one step at a time away from the former things that are no longer serving you. There is another option, and it is to open the door to your self-imposed prison. There is a lot of symbolism that the bible has in relation to the physical and spiritual experiences we have. The wall of Jericho is one of them much like the wall around your heart you may have to walk around it several times to get to the root of your wounding, to build faith and a relationship with God, and build faith and a relationship with yourself but the walls will come tumbling down eventually.
Hebrews 11:30
“By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days”
There would be days I would just cry deep emotions bubbling up, there were times I ran, distracted myself by doing anything but feel those uncomfortable emotions. If you were numb, hardened, brokenhearted, hopeless, or angry, running, avoiding. Now is the time to actually sit down to face and feel those emotions have courage and take time to be by yourself to be in stillness without distractions. Develop compassion, empathy, and patience with yourself, this is a process to come back to life, to love. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Podcast Becoming Your Own VIP Mind, Body, and Soul
Episode: "The Walls Surrounding Your Heart" Streamed 1/18/2023
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